How cold is it?

cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey

colder than a well-digger’s arse

so cold, lawyers have their hands in their own pockets

so cold, flashers are describing themselves to women

My mother, who is in no way otherwise responsible for my affection for salty language, used to say it was “colder than a witch’s tit” which I’ve heard lengthened to “…in a brass brassiere”

Dudes, it is COLD.  The wind is icy and plentiful.  It’s so cold we’re actually talking about insulating instead of complaining that there isn’t any.  When you open the door to my house a little light comes on.

(’cause, you know, it’s a refrigerator.  Even though MY fridge light hasn’t worked in at least 2 years)

It is, of course, all perspective.

Buddy.  It is time to move.