Sigh.  Sometimes I hate people.  Well, a lot of the time, but sometimes even more.  I’ve long been annoyed at the change that My Little Pony underwent between the time my li’l sis played with them and my li’l girl started hoarding them.  To wit:

Look at their chubby bellies

Look at their chubby bellies

She seems shy, doesn't she?  Probably because she's a fatty.

She seems shy, doesn't she? Probably because she's a fatty.

Oh. my. god, Becky!  Look at that pony’s butt.

I was too old for MLPs when they came out, but I was charmed by them because a) horsies! and b) they were cute.  They had sweet faces and chubby bodies and were generally all things that should cause little girls to squee.

When they came back, somewhere between Julianna and Lily, they had changed.

a cotton candy tramp-stamp?

a cotton candy tramp-stamp?

Have you lost weight?

Have you lost weight?

Look how much thinner they are.  And their legs look more like they’re wearing boot flares.  The manes and tails are much thicker and longer.  The eyes are anime-huge.  I found the weight-loss annoying and unnecessary–dude, they’re ponies.  Ponies will literally eat until they die–but chalked the other changes to a more modern look.  They’re still fundamentally cute and were welcome in my home. Mostly.

But the next stage I will not stand! Imaginary Lisa pointed me to Princess Sparkle Pony‘s blog (I was SO close to using that name myself) and exposed me to the outrage that is “Struts” (rhymes with “Sluts”).

ponystrutsWould someone like to explain to me why that horse has a bosom?  Leaving aside the hooker shoes and the clothes and the come-hither looks…

If you buy this for your child, you deserve what you get.

If you buy this for your child, you deserve what you get.

WTF?  I mean really?  Horses ARE mammals and nurse their young and stuff, but they don’t have a rack.  Must be all the genetically modified grain they’re eating.  Princess Sparkle Pony has dubbed them “whorses” which is genius.  The brilliant Bitch magazine had an article about the changes in MLP, but sadly it’s not on-line.  Strawbery Shortcake and the Care Bears have suffered similar slimmings.  Oh yes, the Care Bears.  BEARS.  I guess these are the “just emerged from the den at the beginning of spring after not eating for 4 months” bears.  And really, who doesn’t love a skeletal, food-crazed teddy bear?

Are there not enough messages out there to convince our girls that they aren’t thin enough?  Or tarty enough?  Or wearing painful enough shoes? Honey, if a HORSE can manage a Manolo, I think you can kick off those Crocs.  Apparently, these horses are “fashion models” which would explain the twiggy legs.  I guess the stomp that the runway models do inspired some toy designer. “That girl walks like a parade pony….wait a minute…No, hear me out!  Imagine an ACUTAL parade pony, but with strappy heels, pierced ears, and time in the L’Oreal Paris Make-up room!  I’m a genius! Where’s my bonus?”   I wonder if the Struts (this really should end in a Z, don’t you think?) can do that menstrual cramp pose?  I wonder if they smile with their eyes?  I’d be happy to help any of them acheive that broken=down doll look, though, no problem.

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