Had the MRI today.  I was supposed to go in the afternoon, but I showed up with Lily and her backpack full o’ entertainment only to be told she can’t wait for me.  You must be 12 to wait alone.  For petes sake.  I immediately teared up b/c I’d been stewing and fretting and bubbling just below the surface all morning.  She got me in at 5 pm.  So Lara kept Ben and Lily and back I went.  Okay, the notion that one could listen to music in an MRI?  Bananas.  My first clue was when they handed me those soft squeezy earplugs that you get if you have to hang out near airplanes.  “We get loud, ” said Matt the tech.  And he did not kid.  What on earth IS all that racket?  It was like attending a thrash metal concert.  Dressed as a lipstick.  I closed my eyes as I entered the tube b/c I don’t need to know how close it is in there.  It reminded me a bit of being on an airplane–canned air, weird light, a voice from nowhere and everywhere at once, my racing heart.  Every now and then, my skin just started to crawl and I had to press it down, but otherwise it wasn’t horrible.  I went to the lake.  I had a sun-warmed nectarine on the sand, while the fishies nibbled my toes and the kids splashed and played.  It was a nice break.  If only those death metal kids would have turned down the music.

But then, then they gave me the films.  I do not want these.  There is no possible way I could look at them and think “Oh, that’s all right then.”  I can only find little spots and shadows and gaping holes.  The envelope says “Brain MRI” on it.  That just sounds sinister.  Brain, when you really mean the organ in your head? scary.  And I can’t see the neurologist until next Friday.  Sigh.

And everyone can stop with the scary wisdom teeth stories.  Gah.  Like I’m not in an utter bowel loosening terror already.

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