The geniuses at projectrungay.com went to Bryant Park and saw the 6 shows from Project Runway. Obviously, 3 of them are “decoy” shows so that we don’t know who the final 3 are. Hopefull we do, having seen this. Well, the top two anyway. I thought I’d offer up my opinions for those of you who were just DYING to know what I thought. First, Frau Seal:
So nice to see her shy away from shiny, tight, and short. I haven’t seen her look this gorgeous in ages. I mean, she’s ALWAYS gorgeous, but seldom in a tastefull way. I think she looks dynamite. But my feet are killing me just looking at those shoes. I suspect she hasn’t had feeling in her feet in 15 years.
First up, Jerell: I’m not going to be a bandwith monster, so I’ll link you to the site with the photos and then you can follow along. This way the people that don’t care aren’t waiting and waiting for a page to load only to find it full of assy dresses they didn’t care about. So. The link will open in a new window, Jerell:
1–Hate it. I loathe illusion net and the bodice makes her boobs look too low. Model appears to be 14 and probably has no boobs of her own anyway. Skirt looks like pirate costume from Costume Express.
2–The model’s skin is too dark for this look. It looks…odd. Switch her up with the last girl. this model would ROCK that ugly dress. I’d like to see a close-up of that neckline. HAAAATE that net coming out from under the skirt. Like she pulled a cocktail dress on over a negligee. And I’m sorry, but sequined sheath dresses say Bar Mitzvah Mom to me.
3–Almost interesting. But not quite. I kind of like the assymetrical bodice, but I do NOT like the way that silver trim kind of sags at the hemline. Like the colors, though.
4–Um…did he hire Stella? That’s the pirate shirt that goes with the skirt from the first look, though. WTF with the chain mail? I’m intriged by that matador-y jacket but leggings are never okay and I hate those shoes.
5–Just, no. Sloppy and ugly. Bleh.
6–I’d like a full-length on this purple one. I’m interested. Could be great, could be ass.
7–the cool thing about this one is that it’s entirely made of nori .
8–Again, I’d like to see a full length and see it move. Lord knows I don’t like the thumb sleeves though. and the back seems…creepy somehow. Like her spine is exposed.
9–One’s sleeves should never be longer than one’s hemline. It’s a basic fashion rule. Bow is stupid. Widow’s hat netting is not an acceptable substitute for actual fabric.
10–Reminds me of Chris March’s couture challenge dress (but not nearly as cool). But with dirty tulle. good drag name: Dirty Tulle It looks as if her underpants are on fire and smoke is billowing out.
Next up: the excrable Suede:
1–Hate that it appears to be made of paper chains. hate that stupid rope skirt. Rather like the neckline, though. Great model, well styled.
2–Is that Michelle Obama? Meh. The skirt looks like it needs to be pressed. The bodice is needlessly low. Cannot yet judge the jacket, but I’m sure it’s ass.
3–Oh. My. God. Did he pick up a copy of “Altering Thrift Shop Finds”? Turned right to the “making a skirt from Daddy’s neckties” page, did he? Lord.Get over her boy, and let me choke you.
4–Tie Dye print is interesting. Dress is boring, but at least it doesn’t make me want to slap him.
5– Barbie? is that you? Lord this is horrible. It really does look scaled up from a doll’s dress. it’s awkwardly stiff and cotton candy colored. Ech.
6–ACK ACK ACK! My EYES! Oh my. just ugh. It’s iike the designers were inspired by Stella but in entirely the wrong way. This is just so Deb shop 1985. Blech blech blech. and the model looks like that Dusty doll. Remember her? Barbie’s lesbian tennis pro friend?
7–Oh god, make it stop! It’s too much! it’s the toilet paper cover doll from the back of Granny’s toilet come to life (the doll, not the toilet)! The top is gappy and horrible and the skirt…Shit, my eyes melted. Now what am I going to do? Styling is horrible. But the model is levitating, which is kinda cool
8–Oh, that’s kind of cute. Esp. if she unties the shower curtain from her waist. Maybe it’ll get bett…
9–NO NO NO! Dammit man, what is WRONG with you? It’s like a costume from a 1984 sci-fi. Made on a shoestring.
10–And a wedding dress. Of course. Who wouldn’t want to be married in a dress made of goose down and those silver tanning trays Uncle Fester used?
Joe is Mr. Straighty Pants. And if you don’t believe him, check out this collection. If you can stay awake.
1–Um, that’s okay. Kinda Sexy Pocahontas from the Costume Express catalog, but it’s okay. The model is stunning and fresh looking. I think I love her.
2–Again the Ghost of Stella haunts us. but again it comes out really tacky. I almost like the velvet pants, but I’m in no danger of liking the bustier or gold leather jacket.
3–Look it’s Naima from ANTM! Wearing the flag of Alaska! Better hope Palin doesn’t see you, babe.
4–TRASHy. In no way interesting. In all ways tight.
5–Cute but boring jacket. Heinous and boring pants. Really Joe, this is so Straight Guy.
6–might be pretty, not yet sure. Is definately boring.
7–I REALLY like this print. I really do NOT like that belt buckle. But it’s boring. I mean, I’d totally wear it, so it is not Fashion.
8–Oh good lord, Joe. We GET it, you’re STRAIGHT.
9–what a pretty skirt! No, no I do not even SEE a bodice. Why do you ask?
10–Model is clearly a man. So why, exactly is he wearing that cowgirl get-up? and how did he get onto the runway?
Now Kenley, popularly called Veronica Lodge or Mean Girl. I’m so over her Indie Chick aesthetic. Get an etsy shop, kiddo.
1–If the skirt was 2 inches shorter, I’d like this.
2–Love that color. do not love that dress. But too boring to really say much about. But why is the model wearing my Granny’s shoes?
3–Oh shit. She had two hideous dresses and couldn’t decide which to wear? Lord it’s just so bad. I don’t care if her Boca Raton lanai tumor dress DID win, that look is still ugly. And again with the shoes.
4–Rue McLanahan called. She wants her dress back.
5–This I actually kind of like. The Betty Draper party skirt is a bit much, but I’ll allow it. I love the neck, I love the flowers, I love the shoes, I love that the model has shapely legs.
6–“help…me…cannot…breath…air filter…choking me…knees…tied together…”
7–Renee Zelwegger IS Krystal Carrigton IN Dynasty: The Movie
8–Right. So this is just Bjork’s Swan dress with the interesting bits removed. And the shoes. So ugly.
9–No. stop it right now. Did Tim Burton design that?
10–Her boobs look sad. And little wonder. Looks like her hair is smoking, though.
And now it’s time for the actual fashion. Korto first:
1–Two inches longer and I’m in love. Great print. Great shape. Not innovative, from what I can see, but pretty.
2–Beautiful color. I’d like to see it move, it looks very flowy. Again, nothing new, but a lovely dress, well made and well-styled.
3–I want to see the detail on this one. It could be awesome. It really ought to have been on a dark-skinned girl, though. That color doesn’t go well with Irish.
4–Look! It’s Bianca from ANTM! And she’s gonna cut a bitch. This looks very Mychel Knight to me. hootchie, in other words.
5–This is beautiful. Looks rich and well made. the fin in the front is a bit odd, but it works.
6–DANIELLE! how go the speech lessons? You look great, babe! I need more angles on this to see what that neckline is up to. I know I want the skirt longer, though. Love this green.
7–Love. Looks like the back is probably cool, too.
8–FAIL. this looks cheap and hideous. Flamenco wedding. bleh.
9–That man is PISSED. And the dress is rather nice, so I don’t know what his problem is.
10–Skirt looks weird. Need to see it move.
And our beloved Judy Noodles, LeAnne:
1–Not flattering on a human, but really, really cool and beautiful. It’s a work of engineering.
2–That jacket is AWESOME. Why, oh why is it paired with shorts? I’m sure I’m too Mundane to understand. But I’d loooove that with a flowing white gown. Can you imagine?
3–cool. Again, probably not flattering on a person, but really really cool. Don’t like the bra bodice, though.
4–Why is Grandpa’s white belt in all of these shots? Did it come with Granny’s shoes? I’m undecided on this one. I really never like the peekaboo shoulder, and I’m just not sure about that skirt. Certainly cool, but maybe not beautiful. Maybe an air vent.
5–Love. that Tiffany blue is just stunning. I really like that top, too.
6–Miss. Ugly skirt. I might like the top, though.
7–Model just got off her job as a Dickensian chimney sweep. but I LOVE that dress. Love.
8–Stunning. That color on that girl? just, wow. A real person would look like a bridesmaid, though.
9–Mmmm…dont’ like the thing hanging down in the middle. Otherwise I like it. Make the whole shirt reach the waist of the pants and I’m sold. Like I could ever wear that in a million years.
10–i do not like the middle layer. But that bottom is Wowsa. She chose models well.
So. LeAnne should win. I’ll allow Korto to win. Anyone else is just totally unacceptable. your thoughts?