First, some observations on the always amusing makeover episode of ANTM:

Wow. They finally just flat went to WalMart and told the girls that the Top Model will get her photo on a wall at WalMart. Just…awesome.

Seriously, if you have made it this far in the ANTM casting process, would you not have practiced walking in heels and putting on makeup? Why, ever year, is there are least one girl throwing her hands up and saying “‘I’ve never put on heels before!” Are they shang-hai-ing 20something mildly attractive, slightly tall girls and forcing them to pretend to audition? I think we might need a blue ribbon government panel.

Okay, the Tyra Mail coming over the LED thing? And the chanted group reading of said mail? Horrible. And, it deprives us of the moment that we find out one or more of the girls can just barely read.

Tyra: “Marvita is going to get a horse mane hair weave. Which is something I’ve never seen before in my life, it’s something I kind of invented? We’re going to keep the sides as they are (super super short) and take this hair here? (the longer fauxhawk hair) (Tyra sings this next line) And add. long hair. like a horse! So she’s going to be like (whinnies)” You KNOW I’m not making this up. That’s what Marvita gets for not getting the hint when they eliminated her butt last cycle.

First Twiggy, then Paulina, now Elle MacPhearson…was some sort of Right to Work anti-ageism legislation passed? Is the show being filmed in a nursing home for former models? Will we see Pat Stevens?

Does anyone get told how beautiful she is more than the “plus size” girls? They’re always getting the “You are a beautiful woman” “Your body is so lovely” Uh huh. That’s why the other 13 are so thin. And why the fatty goes home in the first half of the cycle.

I can now, reliably, predict who will go home before the first commercial.

But I was so inspired that I decided to get a fierce new look, too. I considered the horse mane hair weave because I just KNOW it will be the hottest thing in the car line this year, but I chickened out. I went back to the Temple but got a different girl this time–Ashlee. I still had the hated Thiery hanging over us, giving slightly snarky advice. I can’t help but be amused by the thought of all those Masons, rolling in their graves at the thought that their beloved temple is over run with femmy guys and trashy looking women. And 40-60 year old moms looking for a cheap haircut with free entertainment. I’m telling you–if any Frederick Maryland residents read this–go to the The Temple. Big fun. So behold!