Well, it’s really only b/c I’m in NJ at the in-laws and they don’t TiVo ANTM (I KNOW!) so I have to watch it in real time. So blogging about it gives me something to do on commercials….

We’re going to China! Lisa’s neck is freaky long like that Chelonia on that comic strip I couldn’t remember without googling it. We get the usual animated plane, but no bobble heads. I think they only did those after “Pack yer bags, y’all,we’re goin’ to Milan!” So sad. They get there. Excellent quote from the gals as they arrive–Bianca: “Everything’s made in china, so I’m like shopping, shopping shopping.” O Choorin, as the closed captioning says. Heather:”China is like no other city I’ve been to. Excpet maybe Las Vegas. I missed who said this:”It’s like we’re in the Jetsons”

They get to their big penthouse and snag beds. Five beds, 6 girls. But one bed is a king-sized. Saleshia snags it, and Heather, last to walk in is left without a bed. She thinks she’ll be sharing with Saleshia, but Miss Tootie Hair doesn’t think she’s being spoiled to hog the king bed for herself. Heather is actually upset that they’re picking on her. Imagine! Okay, the black girls are really mean to her. They’re following her around, telling her how fun it is to make her freak out. WTH?

In the end, Bianca and Jenah share a bed. And I wonder if we aren’t seeing anything b/c the general feeling is that Heather is just being a drama queen because she didn’t get a bed, but given how sleep deprived they are, I can see that one would be a bit upset, you know?

Anyway. Challenge time. They go to a fim studio in Shanghai. And oh no! Scary assasins leap from no where and fight like Jackie Chan! And for some reason Lisa is already sweaty. So they’re going to learn basics of Martial arts positions. They struggle. they are going to get to do the poses on wires, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon style. Bianca is our heights-skeered gal. Did this come up on the gargoyle challenge. We go to commercial break with a will she or won’t she…she goes up, but she comes back down without posing, disqualifying herself. Heather nails it and wins the challenge. Bianca dies a little. The prize is a shopping spree. Bianca dies a little more. And then Heather says she WOULD have chosen Bianca if she hadn’t been such a damned monster. The girls are enormous among the wee Chinese. Attack of the models!!

The shoot will have to do with some sort of queen. Are we finally getting our drag queen challenge! Jaslene will be so bummed. Ah, but no, it is for the Cover Girl Queen Collection. Blech. The Cover Girl challenge is always a pill. Line memorizing action. We know that Heather is sweating b/c she is not so much with the acting. Saleisha’s makeup is clowny. Sure, CG is crap, but surely they can make it look good for TV. Oy, Bianca’s is horrid, too! and the Queen line is supposed to be for dark-skinned women isn’t it? Heather botches it and Bianca grows back the little bit that died before. Jay feeds her the lines to get her through at all. Hmm… Heather’s eyes are kinda wonky, aren’t they? A bit of Duane’s Syndrome with that Asperger’s huh? Jenah’s looking all snaggle tooth and rat-weavy. Chantal is Cheryl Tiegs’ clone. It had been bothering me until they ponted out last week who she resembled, and it’s so true. She couldn’t look more like a cover girl is she got surgery to do it. Lisa’s makeup–ass. Maybe I was wrong, because the non-whitey gals are looking horrible with this stuff. She blows it too. Saleishas time at T-Zone camp seems to have been magic. Hm, anyone else think that would be good publicity for Tyra’s camp? So, Saleisha and Chantal as the final two?

Panel! Bianca “won’t let them” send her home over refusing to fly. Well, then. Miss Jay’s hair is getting rawther large. Wow, Lisa’s photo is AMAZing, even though her commercial is bad. Chantal is so cute you could die. They tease her for not being Queenly. Bianca is taken to task for not going up in the air. Her commercial is okay, and her photo is okay. Jenah and her weave are not charming in their commercial but the photo is really pretty cool. The rat-weave isn’t even horrid in it. Saleisha’s commercial is perfect, her photo is wicked ugly. Heather is shown a really choppy mess of a commerical. Were they really not able to cobble anything together? Did they really need to show her botching the same line over and over? They didn’t do that to the others who gave crappy readings (not AS crappy, but still). Tyra kinda reams her for not being able to even repeat back the lines. But her photo looks different and it’s really cute. Okay, I’m going with Heather, Bianca, and Lisa in final three…Lisa goes home.

Deliberation. Okay, after deliberation, I still say Lisa goes home, but it’s Heather, Jenah, and Lisa. Tyra thinks that they all pretty much sucked. But Chantal was best of the lot. Then Saleisha. Bianca is next. Then Jenah. Lisa and Heather step forward. Turns out there’s only one photo in Tyra’s hand. Hm. Who knew? Lisa is beautiful and had so much personality. But oh no! She’s fading, she might not be able to handle critique. And we have Heather, who interests the judges and takes the best photos. But she can’t deliver lines in a commercial. But….she gets to stay. Lisa goes home. Of course. Back to the Fastrack!

Next week, go sees!

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