Category Archive

I still miss Marvita. And I do. not.understand Claire. A breastfeeding mother. Leaves her baby for what? 6 weeks? 8 weeks? She’s dedicated enough that we are treated to a shot of her pumping her breast. But she says it would be “cheating my daughter if I didn’t go for my dreams.” I’m going out on a limb here, but I think that baby would rather have her mommy. Just a guess.

what, exactly, IS Anya? She’s like this fairy ice princess thing with a weird accent and no pigment or eyelashes. I keep thinking we’ll get a storyline that might at least tell me why she talks that way (if it was in the casting show, I missed it. Because I wasn’t going to watch this steaming pile anymore) but no. what is she?… Now I KNOW what Dominique is. When will the NAACP step in and stop these shows from casting “the black bitch”? I mean just one season in which there wasn’t one. Sure, there are white bitches every season too, but there are seldom more than 3 black girls and one of them is always a delusional bitch. That, btw is what Dominique is. In case you hadn’t picked that up.

Tyra teaches them to “pose with pain.” Apparently if you’re in a shoot, and you get stuck, the secret is think about “pain, but pretty.” Even more odd, it seems to work. It was nice to have validated my belief that those “high fashion editorial poses” are actually a manifestation of menstrual cramps. Freaky Fairy Queen Anya wins the challenge and gets a one-on-one fashion shoot with Nigel Barker. For the shoot, he puts her naked in a bed. He knows he has the best job, ever.

Back at the henhouse, the other girls are talking about Dominique right in front of her. She asks them to leave so she can sleep and they won’t. Claire is being flat nasty. Aw man, they’re making me feel bad for her. No fair. The show this week is all horrible bitchiness and super sweetness from Aimee. This makes it clear that she and her super secret Mormon underpants (that she is so glad she never had to take off for the camera) will go home.

Oh, Saliesha? In her life as a Cover Girl? She gets to go to castings. ooooo!

The shoot is to portray a type of music. Fatima is heavy metal, Stacey Ann (who?) is house (not Gregory House, although that would be cool), Aimee feebly tries to look R&B. Oh, and Lauren has never heard Britney Spears, so she can’t pose in a pop way Because she has spent her life AVOIDING pop. Ah, to be 20 and defined by music. Dominique looks even more like a man. And Whitney must just be stunning in person b/c they love her soooo much. But she looks like Wynona Judd. Who is (or was) a pretty enough woman, but not a model.

Panel. Actually they liked Lauren’s shot, even though it was edited as a bad shoot. Tyra gives a go at making Katarzyna cry, suggesting that she looked so good in her shot with a short wig that they might actually cut her hair! Katarzyna blanches, but does not give up those delicious, delicious tears. First photo goes to Whitney. Please. It’s down to Aimee and Claire. Aimee knows the gig is up and starts snuffling. Claire–whose photo was “comical, blase, and stoic” huh?–of course gets to stay. Aimee delivers those tears, phew.

Next week: Go-sees! In which, once again, the “fat” girl has to try to squeeze into size 2s when she is easily an 8.

This week on Top Model (I’ll just stop pretending I’m not utterly commited and sticking to the bitter end. I’m fooling no one): The first Phone Phight of the Cycle, posing with drag queens, drippy paint photos! There are still so many girls that I’m periodically surprised to see some of them. Who’s that? Oh, it’s another girl with a bad weave. They just await the day of their elimination to get a storyline in the editing. Poor dears.

In the pre-Tyra Mail period, we get to see that Marvita is awesome and Stacy Ann (who?) called Whitney fat and thus should be eliminated. Cruel fate. Oh, and a note to Dominique: people who speak of themselves in the third person do not win. Deana knows this.

Tyra Mail says they have to learn about “the three C’s.” Hmmm…Cattiness, Cluelessness, and mmm, I dunno, Crack Whores. Oh, no, it’s Comercial, Couture, Catalog, as taught to them by the ubiquitous Benny Ninja. Hate. Dominique (I think I should refer to her as She, since she leaves all these personal pronouns unused…) says, How many people can say they’ve met the inventor of the Vogue?” Well, lots. He’s been on every season of this show since, like cycle 4 and he keeps popping up on other reality shows, annoying the crap out of me. This time he’s paired with Vendela, host of Scandanavia’s Next Top Model (seriously? Aren’t they all models? Lord, how tall and blonde do you have to be to cut it there?) and generally stunning person. They show the girls how to do the three poses–commercial (smile and look pretty), catalog (smile and look just the teensiest bit less pretty), and couture (grimace and double over with cramps).

Back at the ranch, we are treated to the phone drama. The Third Person gets mad at Whitney for not coming and getting her for her phone time. Then Whitney rolls her eyes and twitches her head. This is deemed disrespectful. That paired with the “You’re uneducated” (ladies: you’re all idiots, please don’t fight about it)causes She to say that Whitney is a rascist toward everyone and anyone which doesn’t even make sense. Tragically, Whitney’s defense is “My best friend is black. ” So She tells Whitey that she looks like she’s 30 and acts like she’s 12. oof. But Whitney gets the match point: “Where’s the saran wrap?” is the best argument ender, ever.

It’s a mutherfuckin pose off! The girls head to Brooklyn to find the House of Ninja. See, it had been the Rent Controlled Apartment of Ninja, but the family kept growing, so they had to move out to the boroughs to buy a house. The ladies, they are limber. Ah, youth. Claire wins the posing challenge and her team gets to go to the swag tent. Marvita: My team won, but really I kept losing points for them, so I’m just freeloadin’. Did I mention I love her? They get lots of cool designer crap, but Claire gets a trip to Bora Bora. which I suspect is somewhere warm.

Commercial break for My Life as Cover Girl. Oh SWEET, when Saleisha was in Baltimore? She got to go to the Cover Girl factory! Actual quote: “Cool, a barcode!” They even “let” her make stuff. Then we cut to a real CG ad with an actual actress, Drew Barrymore.

So the photo shoot is an imaginary jewelry shoot in which the girls have bright make up and cellophane head gear and paint dripping down their faces. And it’s still less odd than meat panties. Marvita saying, “I like it here, it’s a nice place to be” is so clearly the sign that she’s going home. It breaks the heart, it does. We are treated to a full-body shot of Fatima in a tube top and low-rise pants. Her body absolutely gave me the willies. Feed her. Her mother did not flee Somolia to have her children starve on TV.

Panel. Tyra’s paint shot looks like a Culture Club album cover. Vendela is our guest judge and cleans up very nicely. Paulina is using all the eyeliner in the world. Saliesha will have to make more.Fatima has armpit hair! the horror! She is instructed to shave and bathe. Which will likely reduce her weight even more. I imagine hair and grime was the only thing keeping her earth-bound. The photos are stupid, as you might expect. Not as bad as a meat thong, though. But Marvita, bless her has a photo that looks like “National Geographic meets French Vogue” and that just can’t be good.

Vendala. That girl has what it takes, she’s going places.

First photo, Stacey Ann. who? Is she in this show? Oh right, the one with the Minnie Mouse voice.

And, of course, we’re down to Whitney and Marvita, shocking no one. They seriously don’t even try with the editing any more. Aw, poor Marvita. I mean, I knew early on, but I hoped. I did. She never belonged there. And she should have cut Tyra for the Horse Mane Hair Weave, but she’s just awesome. Someone give her an acting gig! I really do hope she gets somewhere. And lord knows I usually don’t care.

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I can’t seem to stop watching ANTM. I think, all right I’ll watch, but I’m not going to write anything down…and then they do something just batshit crazy and then here I am again. So, this week the girls had to walk in firefighter stripper outfits for a bunch of firefighters (hasn’t the NYFD been through enough?) and then they went to a meat packing plant and wore skimpy garments made of meat. Yes. Herewith are the comments:

–All the squeeing over every little thing. It must stop. I want to know who is doing the screaming. And I want her dead. I hope it’s Dominique. Because she oogs me out. As does Whitney. So let’s just say the screaming is Whitney and Dominique and just eliminate them. Fatima will auf herself soon enough.

–Whitney=Wynona Judd.

–Has there every been a worse group of walkers? That chick from Seventeen said “You rocked the runway,” but I’m thinking she must have meant it literally.

–When Katarzyna won the photoshoot for Lot 29 and picked Amis and Marvita to go with her, Amis totally dove into Katarzyna’s boob.

–No Neck Saliesha in her My Life as a Cover Girl spot, “Now that I’m a part of the Cover Girl Family, I had the chance to go to Baltimore.” Oh honey.

–Meat Bikini, while a great name for a band, is a poor idea for a photo shoot. Seriously people, ew.

–Lauren said that to get her great shot, she channeled Leatherface. Shouldn’t that be a sign that the shot was a bad idea? If “serial killer” is the first thing to mind, is it fashion?

–And model as pile of meat? I mean how literal can we be?

–I was surprised no one whined about being a vegetarian, but honestly, I suppose they don’t eat anything, let alone meat.

–Photo of Tyra with a bloody steak? Creepiest photo ever.

–Why is Tyra singing everything? Is it time for the musical version of ANTM?

– Oh, the weaves. They are bad. The crew started out really pretty. And now? No. Tyra is a bad person.

First, some observations on the always amusing makeover episode of ANTM:

Wow. They finally just flat went to WalMart and told the girls that the Top Model will get her photo on a wall at WalMart. Just…awesome.

Seriously, if you have made it this far in the ANTM casting process, would you not have practiced walking in heels and putting on makeup? Why, ever year, is there are least one girl throwing her hands up and saying “‘I’ve never put on heels before!” Are they shang-hai-ing 20something mildly attractive, slightly tall girls and forcing them to pretend to audition? I think we might need a blue ribbon government panel.

Okay, the Tyra Mail coming over the LED thing? And the chanted group reading of said mail? Horrible. And, it deprives us of the moment that we find out one or more of the girls can just barely read.

Tyra: “Marvita is going to get a horse mane hair weave. Which is something I’ve never seen before in my life, it’s something I kind of invented? We’re going to keep the sides as they are (super super short) and take this hair here? (the longer fauxhawk hair) (Tyra sings this next line) And add. long hair. like a horse! So she’s going to be like (whinnies)” You KNOW I’m not making this up. That’s what Marvita gets for not getting the hint when they eliminated her butt last cycle.

First Twiggy, then Paulina, now Elle MacPhearson…was some sort of Right to Work anti-ageism legislation passed? Is the show being filmed in a nursing home for former models? Will we see Pat Stevens?

Does anyone get told how beautiful she is more than the “plus size” girls? They’re always getting the “You are a beautiful woman” “Your body is so lovely” Uh huh. That’s why the other 13 are so thin. And why the fatty goes home in the first half of the cycle.

I can now, reliably, predict who will go home before the first commercial.

But I was so inspired that I decided to get a fierce new look, too. I considered the horse mane hair weave because I just KNOW it will be the hottest thing in the car line this year, but I chickened out. I went back to the Temple but got a different girl this time–Ashlee. I still had the hated Thiery hanging over us, giving slightly snarky advice. I can’t help but be amused by the thought of all those Masons, rolling in their graves at the thought that their beloved temple is over run with femmy guys and trashy looking women. And 40-60 year old moms looking for a cheap haircut with free entertainment. I’m telling you–if any Frederick Maryland residents read this–go to the The Temple. Big fun. So behold!

Before:

After:

Okay, I know I said I was done with ANTM– and I still reserve the right to bail mid-season!–but curiosity got the best of me. I watched it on Youtube. A few comments–

–Did you notice on the Great Wall of Wisdom featuring quotes from previous winners (god help us), the Season 1 rep was Robin? Seems silly. Seems like Adrienne probably offers at least one inspirational quote a week on “I Married a Brady.” Or they could have gone with the one about how Black History Month is racist. that’s a gem for sure.

–Marvita is still ugly. But otherwise this is a more attractive pool of too-old, too-short, too-crazy girls.

–I’d read the Television Without Pity recap, so I knew that Kim was going to bail. That made it that much more fun to watch them edit in every time she yawned or looked annoyed.

–Will the fact that Fatima looks just like Iman work for her or against her?

–How does a “no-smoking” sign on the door mean you shouldn’t have “the nerve!” to go outside and have a smoke?

–”You’re going to be posing with homeless people. But YOU’RE going to be in street clothing, and THEY will be in high fashion!” Oh, seriously? How does Tyra sleep? (I know, “on a bed of money those homeless gals ain’t getting!”)

–the gasping and clutching of pearls when Kimberly announced that she just doesn’t find fashion interesting? Priceless.

–”Kimberly’s torn shot is giving me wind!” Quote of the night, I think. Maybe it should go up on the wall. Esp. since at first I thought she said “Kimberly’s porn shot.”

–and speaking of porn–one giant bed? Are you kidding me?

Okay, I’ll make it to the makeover show, okay? so get off my back.

I know that so many look to me for pop culture insight. Andi was looking for my snark on the current ANTM cycle. I’m afraid I was serious back at the end of the last cycle, which was what? 2 weeks ago? Project Runway started during Top Model and it’s just now finishing up. I fear that Tyra is headed toward a Tyra Channel. SkankTV. But she’ll do it without me b/c I just can’t watch it any more. I know, it was never Masterpiece Theater (which was, of course, what made it awesome), but it wasn’t even fun anymore. I’d hoped that Make Me a Supermodel would fill the void, being on Bravo and all, but no. It, too, is pretty lame. I feel that I am being deprived of good trash TV. Recommendations are welcome.

I am, of course, watching Runway. I think Jillian will take it. I’m not crazy about her Ziegfield Girl personal style, but she seems to have the chops to be a designer. Not that it matters–the winners on this show have about the same success rate as the ANTM winners. If you’re a fan, check out the Sew Not Over competition if you haven’t already.

Watching Lost, going to bed confused every Thursday night. Well, more confused than on the other nights of the week, anyway. So far it’s a fairly happy confusion, I’m still enjoying the clues and twists, but they better pony up some answers soon. And it had better not be Bob.

Steve and I are finally watching The Office. Everyone told us to watch it and we kind of blew them off. Steve loved the British version and didn’t think this one would measure up. I found the British version to cringe-y and couldn’t watch it and feared the same for the American version. We both had seen part of an episode and weren’t grabbed. But oh, oh so funny. And Jim! And Pam! And dear, dear Dwight.

Catching up on Big Love. Great show, highly recommended. Well written, well acted, exciting and funny and generally great. We watched when it first came on, but since we cancelled HBO, we have to watch on DVD now.
Need to get Weeds and catch up on that.

Just finished reading The Body of Jonah Boyd and enjoyed it. It was a fast, engrossing book. Currently reading Water for Elephants, which I’m enjoying.

I’m not funny because I’m trying to follow the Eat for Life 6 week plan. I need to get some weight off so that my hips hurt less. And so that my pants fit. But I’m close to deciding to buy bigger pants and pop vicodin. It might make watching House even better.

In the opening, the girls come to the realization that if there are 3 of them, that means only one will not be in the bottom two at judging. And people think models are dumb. Please. Jaslene shows up to introduce the Covergirl challenge, which usually means seeing who can’t remember how to say “Easy Breezy Beautiful.” But again I am floored by the stick insectness of our deaf transvestite darling. Honey, have a sandwich. Her legs make me feel queasy. And even Karen Carpenter is saying, Damn, girl is THIN.

They have to push some horrid fruity lipgloss. Because apparently they’re in jr. high. They have to describe it as “virtually sticky free” which, in addition to being grammatically clunky, tells me that this product is sticky. Sticky, stinky, shiney Cover Girl! They all need at least a dozen takes and look cheesy. They go to panel for the traditional “Tell us why you’re great/who will you throw under a train” discussion. Jenah is the only one that doesn’t throw Jenah under. They others think that her arrogance, rather than her scary teeth are the reason to send her home.

Tyra critcizes Saleisha’s ennunciation in the commercial, but I think Danielle and Jaslene have shown us that a mouth full of marbles is one of the best assets of a Top Model. Jenah has the best commercial, but b/c she’s been dubbed “the ironic one,” they tell her that she looks like she’s making fun of the product. On this show, you get your label and that’s that. Saleisha is commercial. Chantal is untrained. Jenah is sarcastic. Meh. I really think this might be the last season for me. No, really. Tyra poked and poked at Jenah about why she seems defensive–was it because you were deprived of a normal childhood? You always had to be strong? And then has that smug, I-am-Martin-Luther-Oprah! look…Dude, she’s sleep deprived, stressed, and on the chopping block. They are ALL on the verge of tears. You are nothing. Shut UP. You did not give her self-awareness as a consolation prize. You just booted her. From a game show.

The runway show was predictably stupid. I don’t think they even bothered to pretend it was real this time. There was no audience, just 500 guys in costumes. Horrible. Ugly clothes, stupid gimmicks with people on stilts, one of whom tripped on Chantal’s costume. Dumb, useless, whatever. Let’s end this, shall we?

Saleisha, who went to Tyra’s T-zone camp, got the “edgy” haircut that Tyra emmulated, and got to say the signature line in their CoverGirl ad, is the winner. I know, knock me over. You’ll have to watch on your own, henceforth. Without Janice Dickinson to bring the crazy bitch edge, it’s just hollow and dull. Deana out, y’all.

Pack your bags, ya’ll, we’re going to Beijing! The girls mourn Heather’s loss for…a split second. Bianca eulogizes that “it really doesn’t make much of a difference when she’s not here.” I bet Heather is having second thoughts about leaving that nice note. Then, frenzied packing to go to the second “fashion capital.’ Really? I mean, I’m sure a lot of fashion gets manufactured in Bejing and Shang-hai, but I’m not getting the Milan vibe here.

Chantal tells us, a little bit giddily, that Jenah is “falling apart.” Jenah interviews that “being in the bottom two is the best feeling in the world, you should try it.” And I dont get the sense that she meant it as that sarcasm that Nigel was so fond of… There was this one beautiful moment in the snark-about-one-another sequence (from which our future winner, Saleisha is conspicuously absent) in which Bianca is complaining that Chantal is too perky. She says, dropping her voice to a snarl, “I’m like shut UP!” and then she rearranges her face into a cheerful visage and smiles, “You know, shut up!” like she’d never meant it for real at all. But it’s perfectly clear that Chantal is VERY lucky to be alive.

The challenge is to portray 4 women from Chinese mythology. And you should have SEEN the foot shifting and eye rolling as the girls waited while J and Twiggy narrated the little show about the women. “I’m like come ON!” Bianca. Of course. the girls are turned loose in a mall to buy accessories and such for their look. They buy shoes in Aldo. For petesakes. It’s just a damned mall, just like we have here. But the malls here? They don’t have Bianca, lying to us to send us on snipe hunts. Impressive, even for her.

Okay, question. They told the girls to modernize these looks and sent them shopping. Did one of the shops contain Project Runway contestants b/c they suddenly have wildly altered costumes. Jenah’s ugly yellow pumps did not turn her long gown into a minidress. And where did Bianca buy that skanky walk, b/c it was impressive. She held her handbag and pursed her lips (a handbag AND a purse) in this totally “MmHMmm” way. And clown makeup, too. I think she’s forgotten her goal is to win a CoverGirl contract. Not a spot on the pole.

Photo shoot on the Great Wall. Tyra as photographer. Girls are dressed as Mongol invaders, you know, like they always do in photo shoots in high fashion. Bianca is getting the total loser edit, like she did early on. She had been so horrid to everyone, that they had to give her a better edit for a while to make us feel better about her being there still. But now that she’s clearly going home, we can get her Mean Girl interviews again.

So at panel, Chantal gets the “where are you going? Do you want this? You are fading away” story. Bianca gets the “stiff” line. Chantal and Saleisha get the love. And Chantal really is beautiful in a totally bland way.

Heather wins Cover Girl of the week. Ouch.

The best thing about watching on TiVo is that I don’t have to listen to Tyra natter on in her “only one photo” speech. But yeah, Bianca goes home. Shocking.

I have some things to get through, so just be quiet for a minute. First, the food. Food is always first. Our second night of Eastern European cuisine featured Hungarian Noodles and Fasole Batuta, a Romanian bean dip. Ben and Julianna liked the noodles, Lily did not, in spite of their similarity to mac and cheese, her current sole form of sustenance. The bean dip was VERY garlicky, which means Steve and I ate most of it. Last night, we had a 4-H meeting until 6 and had to be at a play at 7, so I just fried up Pierogies (Mrs. T’s mini’s–in your freezer cabinet!).

Next, Lily’s new-found reading skills are rocking her world just a bit. She was looking over my shoulder as I was reading The Amber Spyglass (terrific!) and saw the word “dragonflies” as a chapter heading. She asked what it was. When I told her, she replied “No, that’s a ‘duh’, dragon starts with a ‘juh’–’jragonflies.” Wow, they do sound the same. So we talked it out, but she was a troubled. Then, a couple of days later, I asked her what dress she wanted to wear. “Dress? I thought it was jress!” She was kind of laughing it off but in this really nervous “NOW what are you going to throw at me?” Knowledge can be unsettling.

Love Project Runway, we know that. But you know, PR Canada is really stepping up the competition on dear ol’ Heidi and Tim. This week on the American show–make boring men’s wear for some ex-athlete with conservative taste. The results were sloppy and dull on the whole and those that were interesting were utterly ignored b/c the guest is the whitest black man since Bryant Gumble. But this week on PR Canada–the models came out dressed in one fashion era or another and the designers had to decide whether to choose by model or by the style they want to be inspired by in the next challenge. Great idea! And then, the challenge? Swimwear. Genius. And then? Not only do they have to design for their model, they have to do a plus sized suit as well. AND they didn’t act like the plus-sized women were lepers. They mostly made good, flattering suits. Yay. Plus, Iman referred to her husband as “Bowie.” love it.

I know I’m totally talking to myself here because you all love AOL soooo much. Anyway. So who knew ANTM and PR were the same night? Hail TiVo I had no clue. But yay! So I had time to get the kids to bed between Model and Runway and then settle right back in. No live blog for this one though. Not that it matters. Because you all loooove AOL. feh.

Carrie Bradshaw was the guest judge! Woo! Much, much cooler than that Nikki Hilton. The designers had to work in teams of two to design a look for SJP’s new Bitten line of clothing. It’s being sold for Old Navy prices (they swear there are no sweatshops involved ) so the teams only get $15 to buy fabric. At Mood. I figured they’d just have to use the plastic bags, but they managed to do pretty well.

I continue to love Elisa and her Breakfast Clubby oddness. She is self-possessed and unconcerned with the others thinking she’s bonkers. I find that very cool. Sweet P (ugh) utterly flips when she sees that Elisa “spit-marks” her clothes as she’s working. I thought “Hey cool, that will just fade away and you don’t have to worry about getting the chalk out!” On the runway, Heidi recoiled at the notion, saying “People don’t want to know someone spit on their dress!” but dude, wash before you wear. Anyway, the much-maligned Elisa came damned close to winning. Even Steve said, “hey, I like that” as it went down the runway. In the end, Victorya (YA) had the winning design with a hideous grey sack with a stupid bow at the neck. Too. many. bows. this season. Stop it. We are not freshly groomed llasa-apsos.

I called the loser again this week. Marion’s design last week was so horrid I couldn’t believe he wasn’t auf-d then. But it caught up with our shifty-eyed manchild this week, and his Incredible Growing Poncho sent him home. Seriously, as they stood there on the runway, this burlap-bag with fringe looking thing he had designed was sloooowly growing toward the floor. They had to hurry up and send him out before it grew down around the model’s feet and threw her to the floor. And oh LORD, it looked like it itched. I had hives just watching. I always feel a little bad for the models when they have to walk in such a dog of a design. “Crap, this insane little man is ruining my chances.” It would be cool if there was a parallel show, filmed at the same time, of the models. I’d watch that. And now, I shall search for PR Canada on line…what better way to spend Thanksgiving. I give thanks for reality TV!

Well, it’s really only b/c I’m in NJ at the in-laws and they don’t TiVo ANTM (I KNOW!) so I have to watch it in real time. So blogging about it gives me something to do on commercials….

We’re going to China! Lisa’s neck is freaky long like that Chelonia on that comic strip I couldn’t remember without googling it. We get the usual animated plane, but no bobble heads. I think they only did those after “Pack yer bags, y’all,we’re goin’ to Milan!” So sad. They get there. Excellent quote from the gals as they arrive–Bianca: “Everything’s made in china, so I’m like shopping, shopping shopping.” O Choorin, as the closed captioning says. Heather:”China is like no other city I’ve been to. Excpet maybe Las Vegas. I missed who said this:”It’s like we’re in the Jetsons”

They get to their big penthouse and snag beds. Five beds, 6 girls. But one bed is a king-sized. Saleshia snags it, and Heather, last to walk in is left without a bed. She thinks she’ll be sharing with Saleshia, but Miss Tootie Hair doesn’t think she’s being spoiled to hog the king bed for herself. Heather is actually upset that they’re picking on her. Imagine! Okay, the black girls are really mean to her. They’re following her around, telling her how fun it is to make her freak out. WTH?

In the end, Bianca and Jenah share a bed. And I wonder if we aren’t seeing anything b/c the general feeling is that Heather is just being a drama queen because she didn’t get a bed, but given how sleep deprived they are, I can see that one would be a bit upset, you know?

Anyway. Challenge time. They go to a fim studio in Shanghai. And oh no! Scary assasins leap from no where and fight like Jackie Chan! And for some reason Lisa is already sweaty. So they’re going to learn basics of Martial arts positions. They struggle. they are going to get to do the poses on wires, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon style. Bianca is our heights-skeered gal. Did this come up on the gargoyle challenge. We go to commercial break with a will she or won’t she…she goes up, but she comes back down without posing, disqualifying herself. Heather nails it and wins the challenge. Bianca dies a little. The prize is a shopping spree. Bianca dies a little more. And then Heather says she WOULD have chosen Bianca if she hadn’t been such a damned monster. The girls are enormous among the wee Chinese. Attack of the models!!

The shoot will have to do with some sort of queen. Are we finally getting our drag queen challenge! Jaslene will be so bummed. Ah, but no, it is for the Cover Girl Queen Collection. Blech. The Cover Girl challenge is always a pill. Line memorizing action. We know that Heather is sweating b/c she is not so much with the acting. Saleisha’s makeup is clowny. Sure, CG is crap, but surely they can make it look good for TV. Oy, Bianca’s is horrid, too! and the Queen line is supposed to be for dark-skinned women isn’t it? Heather botches it and Bianca grows back the little bit that died before. Jay feeds her the lines to get her through at all. Hmm… Heather’s eyes are kinda wonky, aren’t they? A bit of Duane’s Syndrome with that Asperger’s huh? Jenah’s looking all snaggle tooth and rat-weavy. Chantal is Cheryl Tiegs’ clone. It had been bothering me until they ponted out last week who she resembled, and it’s so true. She couldn’t look more like a cover girl is she got surgery to do it. Lisa’s makeup–ass. Maybe I was wrong, because the non-whitey gals are looking horrible with this stuff. She blows it too. Saleishas time at T-Zone camp seems to have been magic. Hm, anyone else think that would be good publicity for Tyra’s camp? So, Saleisha and Chantal as the final two?

Panel! Bianca “won’t let them” send her home over refusing to fly. Well, then. Miss Jay’s hair is getting rawther large. Wow, Lisa’s photo is AMAZing, even though her commercial is bad. Chantal is so cute you could die. They tease her for not being Queenly. Bianca is taken to task for not going up in the air. Her commercial is okay, and her photo is okay. Jenah and her weave are not charming in their commercial but the photo is really pretty cool. The rat-weave isn’t even horrid in it. Saleisha’s commercial is perfect, her photo is wicked ugly. Heather is shown a really choppy mess of a commerical. Were they really not able to cobble anything together? Did they really need to show her botching the same line over and over? They didn’t do that to the others who gave crappy readings (not AS crappy, but still). Tyra kinda reams her for not being able to even repeat back the lines. But her photo looks different and it’s really cute. Okay, I’m going with Heather, Bianca, and Lisa in final three…Lisa goes home.

Deliberation. Okay, after deliberation, I still say Lisa goes home, but it’s Heather, Jenah, and Lisa. Tyra thinks that they all pretty much sucked. But Chantal was best of the lot. Then Saleisha. Bianca is next. Then Jenah. Lisa and Heather step forward. Turns out there’s only one photo in Tyra’s hand. Hm. Who knew? Lisa is beautiful and had so much personality. But oh no! She’s fading, she might not be able to handle critique. And we have Heather, who interests the judges and takes the best photos. But she can’t deliver lines in a commercial. But….she gets to stay. Lisa goes home. Of course. Back to the Fastrack!

Next week, go sees!

Okay, I’m going to try a real post, see how this feels to me. I really am still conflicted about which I like better. I wish this one had a bit more color to it, but I do like that it is nice and clean. And I’ve had a few problems with Blogger not letting me leave comments on blogs before and lord knows I don’t want MY audience to suffer.

So, I totally FORGOT top model this week. I was watching Best Week Ever with Steve and a clip came on with a Chinese Lion heralding the fact that the ANTM sticks were going to China. The hell? I didn’t see that! And then I realized that the return of the Most Holy Project Runway had overshadowed it entirely. I went and caught it that night on YouTube, of course.

The challenge on Model was a cruel tease. See it LOOKED like they were going to fulfill my fantasy abbout ANTM and PR coming together in a flurry of fabric, bad weaves, and high drama. But really? meh. The only noteworthy thing was that Tyra announced the trip to China BEFORE that week’s elimnation. Which really had to suck for Ambreal. Hey we’re going to China! Woo-hoo! hug hug jump squeal. Oh, no wait. Not you. You are going home. And this time, no one is going to save you. The big teaser about nekkid Heather goes nutzoid? Meh. but then we knew that would happen, right?

Like I said, Project Runway is back. Oh, how I wish I could go back in time, go to fashion school, and be on this show. I crave that the way I used to crave being on Sesame Street. Only instead of talking to a puppet, I’d get to talk to a puppetteer. I love Elisa. She got some silk and rubbed it all over the ground to get grass stains on it. She drapes the fabric on her own body. She looks like Ally Sheedy in breakfast club. And, as good ol’ Tom and Lorenzo put it: this group seems to demonstrate a rather high collective opinion of themselves, and we would love it if the dirty girl in the corner of the cafeteria would show them up once or twice. And while I’m on the topic, PR fans who don’t know about the Rungay boys–you must read their blog. hilarious. A sample grab:

“I ended up taking some silk chiffon and I decided that I would imbue it with a natural element and use grass stain as a staining method. In my own work often times I use teas, oils, and herbs to feed the fabrics.”

“Yeah, that’s great. Do you also use dog shit? Because you just did.”

Seriously, they’re the perfect condiment to the PR buffet.

AND they introduced me to PR Canada which…shh…I might kinda like better? Iman is just SO great. She really adds so much to the show. Heidi is sweet and lovely, but Iman…oh Mr. Bowie must be a very patient man.