You are currently browsing the daily archive for April 17th, 2008.
I heard a new calling today. Tour Guide for Children. I chaperoned Julianna’s class tour of downtown Frederick (we figured I couldn’t get TOO lost, given that I’d lived there for 10 years [and can I say that I just re-read that post I linked to there and nearly had a panic attack reading it. But I was so cool about it at the time. I was on GOOD meds]). The school is downtown, so we just herded the kids out and a few blocks over to the Historical Society. One of my charges kept walking on her knees b/c she wanted to “be a gnome.” But I was kind and firm about that. Get on yer damned feet, child, and take comfort in the fact that you’re naturally short. I also had to–several times–point out to her that even IF the candy wrapper she found on the ground contained candy, she would not be allowed to eat it. I know, it’s like I’m the cruel headmistress from some English boarding school.
We arrived at the Historical Society early, but they were able to start our tour early, probably to keep the kids from rioting. We started out a couple doors down at Winchester Hall. She proceeded to tell the kids about County Commissioners–how many we have, what they do–the kids were, of course, riveted. What kid doesn’t love county politics? Matters were not helped by the fact that our guide was 100 years old, so the kids were suspicious from the get go. Generally, a cool thing about old folks is the onion on their belt–which, for our non-Simpsons readers (freaks) is their long stories that don’t go anywhere. The beauty of them is that they’re usually funny, if unintentionally. This gal’s onion was dried and powdered. “This building was erected in 1742. It burned and was rebuilt in 1822 but the steeple was saved so it was still original. People like to say the church is from 1742, but it is not, it is just the steeple…” Skxxxxxxzzzzzz. Look, I’m a pretty big history geek and I don’t care when a building was built. You can give me a rough estimate for context and I’m good. “Late 18th C” is good enough for me.
Did we enter a single building? No. One of the churches has real Tiffany stained glass, it’s breathtaking. Nary a mention. Best moment: “This was an Anglican church which was the Church of England. When the colonies broke with England, what do you think happened?” Boy in the class, “Soldiers marched into the church and killed everyone?” Frederick, MD, son. not Sierra Leone. Did she tell the story about how Stonewall Jackson fell asleep in the Episcopal church and snored? No. That would have been interesting. Mentions of Barbara Fritchie and her dubious connection to the Confederate march down Patrick Street? Zero. Discussions of Civil War Medicine advances (nice and gorey)? None.
I spent the whole time thinking of how to make it better. It’s important to stew and plot the defeat of nice old ladies. It keeps one young. But really, all these kids now have the association local history=tedium. And really, Frederick is cool and full of good stories. I figure if nothing else, I can learn a tour to give to our school kids. The kids at other schools can have the lame tour.
They’re down to seven girls. Lauren is going home. I’m calling it now, at under one minute in. StaceyAnn is feeling her mediocrity. She’s either going to be first called or the other one in the bottom two. Ooo, and Fatima isn’t a citizen and can’t leave the country w/o a travel document. Magic Tyra will pull it out of her butt. Esp. now that she’s cried about it. That was payment in full.
Paulina drops by. She’s just in a black turtle neck with her hair pulled back in a pony tail. Holy crap. THAT is a supermodel. She’s like 60 and still looks better than all the rest of the girls, stacked on a cracker. She pretends to be Ms. DuBois and makes the girls introduce themselves. Lauren blows it. Then she pretends to be a VH1 type interviewer and asks them personal questions. Whitney, who could got to MIT if this doesn’t work out, suspects that their challenge will involve interviews.
Lauren cuts her thumb, apparently badly, b/c it is required that at least one girl go to the hospital per episode. Whitney is….gleeful about it. It’s pretty creepy. Lauren gets stitched up.
A big box full of lemons and limes–from 7up, of course–alerts the girls to the fact that they have a challenge at some party. Some designer brings them dresses to wear. Someone comes to do their hair. They go to the party and have to run the red carpet gauntlet. The photographers are smirking. Dominique flubs the name of the designer’s name. Lauren curses. Ladies and gents, our bottom two!
Lauren chats up Rick Ocasik. Nice try, but he has a real supermodel girlfriend. We are shown how Whitney is just the belle of the ball. The ball is entirely populated by past ANTM models and staff. Anya is charming and poised. Dom and Lauren get the predictable call out. Stacey Ann thinks too much (gone!). The winner is Anya. In spit of the fact that everything they showed was her just droning on. Her prize is another nude photo shoot, this time for 7-Up. And they pay her 10K, which is sweet and much better than just getting leered at by Nigel.
Saleshia points out that Cover Girls vote. When they can get away from the plant in Baltimore.
Fatima gets an appointment at the consulate to try to get her documents. They say 9 am enough times that I figure she’s sleeping through it. But, as it turns out, Tyra just tells them they have to pack or they’ll miss their flight. But ladies, you have not had a shoot yet… They stay up all night packing. They head for the airport and get out of the cab at a small jet. And yeah, they have to do a group shot about trying to catch a plane. Fatima tells Jay that she has an appt. because she’s “a refugee.” Jay’s annoyed that it hadn’t come up earlier and sends her off with the admonition to get back asap.
Whitney is nasty. Lauren looks great. Stacey Ann has never been colder and her eyes are very sensitive to wind. She’s lame. bottom two (I’m aware that I have far more than people than possible in the bottom two). Whitney sucks also. Anya is securing her 1st called position.
Meanwhile, Fatima gets her documents and heads for the shoot. It’s 1pm. They’ve been at it since 7 ish. Lord that must be a tedious job. They’ve had to look like they are attractively trying to catch a plane for 5 hours. 7, by the time they wrap. Not so glamorous now, is it? Katarzyna looks awesome, but she is apparently dead to the show. Panel is right there, waiting for them. Fatima isn’t back yet. When she arrives, Tyra tells her that girls that miss a photo shoot usually go home. Well, I don’t think it’s going to happen today. I’ll be surprised if she’s even in the bottom two.
They swoon for Lauren’s shot and tell her how awesome she was at the party. So I was wrong. Not bottom two. They love Dom. For whatever reason. Stacey Ann gets slammed, so she’s at the bottom. Whitney is pageanty. Because she’s from the south. She’s not real, either. Anya is beloved by all. For whatever reason. Fatima doesn’t have a photo.
So. 7 girls, only 6 move on and go to Rome. First called, Anya of course. Then Lauren, then Dom the tranny, then Katarzyna, then Whitney. StaceyAnn and Fatima in the bottom. Which was not what I guessed, so either the CW is getting better about not telegraphing the end in the first minute, or I’m just not paying attention. So in the end, Stacy Ann goes home, which is not a surprise by this point. How much does it suck to get cut right before you get the trip? A lot is my guess.
Nice, Tyra totally makes the girls think they’ll get a private jet and then sends them off to fly coach. hee. So, to come–commercials in a language they don’t speak! This time, Italian.
